“You’re crazy!”

I lifted my head, soaking wet, to get a look at my neighbor who just yelled from his screened-in porch. His smile was so big but he meant it. Honestly, hella romantic moment if he wasn’t hella into men.

Meanwhile, Yuna, my dog, kept looking up like, “this…

The last time I had a night of calls like this I got see my guy afterwards.

I told him, “Tonight kicked my ass,”

“Get over here.”

I teared up while telling him I felt like I said all of the wrong things during my bereavement calls.

There are days…

I meet a woman named M on Friday nights.

M is dying.

Her heart is failing her. She is mostly bed-ridden but she can still take drinks on her own. I am not on mouth-swab duty yet. She does need chapstick yet.

Her room is filled with quilts, crosses and…

Tonight I had a call with a woman who just lost her mother in February.

When she answered she sounded like she was asleep. Turns out she’s had three strokes since her mother died and recently found out she has cancer. Her first chemo treatment is on Thursday.

She said…

Days like today are the days when I remember the freak that I am.

When I remember that I vowed that I will never let a drop get by me again. That I will lick my fucking spoon and clean my plate.

When I remember the elixir left on my…

I have a friend that tortures me.

He sends me hairless cat pictures on instagram.

It’s one of the most unsettling things that a friend does to me, but I love him anyway.

I love him so much that I cried when he got his dream job. And, he loves…

I don’t know about investments or inflation but the boy with the chiseled features does.

He depleted me because he has a smartwatch that tells him when to stand and when to breathe.

I listen to him tell me what to pay attention to — he thinks I am penniless…

Dear friend,

I’m sorry I spilled over. Perhaps, then, our levees wouldn’t have broken and the town’s businesses wouldn’t be abandoned.

I’m sorry that I made us stay. I’m sorry I didn’t make us sit bumper to bumper on the evacuation route but you can’t drive a manual.

I’m sorry…

Good people die.

Death happens to people with plans. To people with dreams. To people who have crushes. To people who have potential. To people who have moms and dads and brothers and sisters and children.

Death can be senseless and wreckless. Your death could be senseless and wreckless.


Kayla Dugger

a list-making nightmare.

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